You are my final baby. Well my final planned baby anyway, rest assured that if another does happen to come along, it shall forever be known as our whoopsie baby. Anyway, stop side tracking me!
I am laying here, feeding you. You are asleep, your chubby little hand on my chest and your legs curled up against me. Your eyes flutter, you are in that place between dreaming and awake, you make soft little noises, acknowledging whatever is happening in your dream and occasionally shift around, trying to decide where to roll away from me, or carry on feeding. I have a trillion things to do, and no doubt your sisters are destroying my recently cleaned house, but I just lay here with you, because it’s where I want to be.
You are nearly one year old. I cannot believe how fast we have gotten to this point. You were living in me for nine months and that seemed like it was the longest nine months of my life! But then, like a flash you’ve been on the outside for almost an entire year. This is why I don’t get up to do what needs to be done, because you are my baby. I will only be feeding you for a precious few more months, and then that will be it. My boobs will be mine again, but that bond we have will no longer be a daily occurrence. You will likely not want to lay with me like this for much longer, you despise being cuddled unless there’s a purpose. Usually that purpose is being fed. So I won’t move from here anytime soon.
Being the third baby, things will be different for you. You won’t get the one on one devotion that I was able to provide your eldest sister. I won’t have the chance to hover over your every move because I’m busy cooking dinner or helping with homework or at dance classes or swimming lessons. I’m trying to decide what to do with my life for after you go off to school. I’ll likely study again so chances are that too will take away my time from you.
But know this my littlest love. My love for you is just as strong as it is for your sisters. Your baby book may remain half empty, you may not get a monthly home movie dedicated to every little thing you did that month, with carefully selected music playing in the background (seriously, how much time did I have when I had just one of you!). Your outfits may be three times handed down already and five years out of fashion, and we may find buying your birthday presents quite difficult as you already have so much from the two prior to you. But, I will always be there to pick you up when you fall, and feed you ice blocks when you bump your little head (our special treat for when you hurt yourself). I will be there for all your bad dreams, and I will be there for all your bad decisions! And I will not miss your milestones. I was there ready with the camera the first time you crawled and the first time you took steps all by yourself, and I was just as proud of you as I was of your sisters. I will be there when you start talking and when you finally sleep through the night! I will be there, probably crying, when you start your first day of school. And I will always encourage you, and love you for whoever it is you decide to be. You will always be the youngest, and things may be different for you. But I love you with my whole heart. You may be my third and final baby, but to me your are still and always will be, everything. And while part of me is so sad that you’re almost a toddler (eek!!) the other part of me cannot wait to see what you do next.